Some people say kink is just about pain. Others think it’s only for people with trauma. Some have never given it a second thought—and then there are those who know exactly what their kink is… or at least think they do. But what if kink is about more than any of that?
In this episode, I sit down with Sir Leezus, a sensual sadist and erotic power exchange expert, to talk about what really draws people into kink. Is it healing? Is it about control? Is it even sex at all? For some, kink happens without a single touch below the belt—but the emotional intimacy? That can run deeper than any bedroom encounter.
We explore why so many people—especially in midlife—start to unlock new layers of desire after years of silence or shame. And how things like spanking, submission, and even humiliation can become powerful tools for rediscovering connection, pleasure, and self-trust.
If you’ve ever felt like something’s missing, or like your desires don’t fit the standard mold… this conversation might make more sense than you expect. Let’s get into it.
In This Episode:
(00:00) - Introduction
(00:40) - Sir Leezus: His roles as sex educator, kink advisor, and "sensual sadist dominant."
(01:13) - What is a sensual sadist dominant?
(02:20) - BDSM vocab 101: Bondage, Dominance, Submission & Sadomasochism
(04:00) - Can kink be healing from past trauma?
(07:20) - Does BDSM always involve sex?
(09:06) - Pain and pleasure: Understanding masochism
(11:42) - How midlife women discover kink (and what opens them up)
(15:25) - Safety, vetting, and how to trust a partner in kink
(19:16) - Definitions: Dom vs. Top, Sub vs. Bottom, Switches
(21:46) - What’s a Stag and Vixen dynamic?
(22:54) - Hotwifing vs. Cuckolding
(24:50) - Penis humiliation? Understanding the mental side of masochism
(25:58) Relationship between certain kinks and past trauma
(26:06) - Reclaiming trauma through consensual non-consent
(27:35) - Sir Leezus defines sex in his own words
(28:18) - Where to find and work with Sir Leezus
Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Menopause Coach, tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. We explore the intricacies of sex during perimenopause, post-menopause, and andropause, offering insights and support for all those experiencing these transformative phases.
This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider.
Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here:
Email: karen@taboototruth.com
Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast
About the Guest:
Sir Leezus is a performance artist, sensual sadist, and BDSM educator with years of experience in erotic power exchange and kink dynamics. He offers private sessions, coaching, and education to individuals and couples who want to explore new layers of intimacy, pleasure, and consent. Known for his approachable yet deeply knowledgeable style, he’s on a mission to break down shame and open up new paths to pleasure.
Connect with Sir Leezus:
Website: https://sirleezus.com/
Instagram: @sirr.leezus
Available for sessions, performances, and kink consultations.
Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Menopause Coach, tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. We explore the intricacies of sex during perimenopause, post-menopause, and andropause, offering insights and support for all those experiencing these transformative phases.
This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider.
Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here:
Email: karen@taboototruth.com
Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast
Take control of your pleasure with my Pleasure Playbook, filled with tips to help you connect with your body and enhance intimacy. Download it now at www.taboototruth.com/pleasureplaybook.
Take control of your pleasure with my Pleasure Playbook, filled with tips to help you connect with your body and enhance intimacy. Download it now at www.taboototruth.com/pleasureplaybook
