How to Feel Truly Loved (with Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky and Dr. Harry Reis)

How to Feel Truly Loved (with Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky and Dr. Harry Reis)

Author: Pushkin Industries February 9, 2026 Duration: 42:09

Most of us have people in our lives who love us — partners, friends, family — yet many of us still don’t feel as loved as we want to. Why is there such a gap between being loved and feeling loved? And what can we actually do about it?

Dr. Laurie sits down with social psychologists Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky and Dr. Harry Reis, co-authors of How to Feel Loved, to unpack the science behind this disconnect. They explain why feeling loved so often eludes us — even in close relationships — and share research-backed insights that can help us change the conversation, strengthen our connections, and feel more loved both now and in the relationships we build in the future.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most

"Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community"

"Social Ties and Susceptibility to the Common Cold"

"Toward Understanding Understanding: The Importance of Feeling Understood in Relationships"

"How to Get Through Hard Times: Principals' Listening Buffers Teachers' Stress on Turnover Intention and Promotes Organizational Citizenship Behavior"

How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls

"Self-Expansion Theory: Origins, Current Evidence, and Future Horizons"

"Do Unto Others or Treat Yourself? The Effects of Prosocial and Self-Focused Behavior on Psychological Flourishing"

"Everyday Prosociality in the Workplace: The Reinforcing Benefits of Giving, Getting, and Glimpsing"

"Kindness Counts: Prompting Prosocial Behavior in Preadolescents Boosts Peer Acceptance and Well-Being"

"The Genomic Impact of Kindness to Self vs. Others: A Randomized Controlled Trial"

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.


We often chase after things we believe will bring us joy-the next promotion, a perfect vacation photo, a bigger house-only to find the feeling is fleeting. The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos digs into the surprising psychology behind why our instincts about happiness are so frequently wrong. Dr. Santos, a Yale professor, doesn't just offer vague self-help advice; she translates the rigorous research from her record-breaking university course into practical, actionable science. Each episode feels like a personal conversation, where she breaks down complex studies and shares stories from people who've applied these lessons, revealing how counterintuitive changes in our daily routines and mindset can have a profound impact. This Pushkin Industries podcast moves beyond the surface of wellness trends, offering a grounded look at what genuinely improves our well-being across our social lives, personal health, and cultural expectations. Tuning in, you'll hear not just theory, but the tangible steps you can take to rewire your habits, backed by evidence that often contradicts our modern chase for more. It’s a refreshing take that makes the science of a better life accessible and genuinely useful, episode by episode.
Author: Language: en-us Episodes: 261

The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos
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