425. Why we want people who don't want us back

425. Why we want people who don't want us back

Author: iHeartPodcasts June 4, 2026 Duration: 32:26

Why do we become obsessed with people who don't want us back? Even when we know it will never work? Even when we know there's no convincing them? In this episode, we unpack the psychology behind unrequited love, limerence, longing, and the irresistible pull of unavailable people, including:

  • The neuroscience of craving, attraction, and obsession
  • How intermittent reinforcement keeps us emotionally hooked
  • Jacques Lacan's "object of desire" theory
  • Why high achievers often struggle with unrequited love
  • The role of limerence, fantasy, and idealisation
  • The Zeigarnik Effect and our need for closure
  • Practical strategies to finally move on and let go
  • Creating your own closure when none is given
  • Plus so so much more 

If you've ever found yourself unable to stop thinking about someone who doesn't feel the same way, this episode is for you. Together, we'll explore why it happens, what it reveals about us, and how to break free from the cycle

Watch on Netflix: HERE

Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast

Subscribe on Substack: @thepsychologyofyour20s

For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com

The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.


Navigating your twenties can feel like a constant, bewildering experiment where you're both the scientist and the subject. The Psychology of your 20s, hosted by Jemma Sbeg, treats this unique decade with the thoughtful analysis it deserves. Released every Tuesday and Friday, each episode picks apart a specific thread of the modern twentysomething experience-whether it's the anxiety of mapping out a career, the complexities of dating apps, the strain on friendships, or the stress of managing money for the first time. Jemma grounds these universal themes in psychological research and science, offering clarity on why this period feels so tumultuous. The conversations move beyond simple advice, instead providing a framework for understanding the mental and emotional underpinnings of decisions big and small. This isn't a lecture; it's a companionable exploration of the growing pains that define adulthood's first chapter. Tuning into this podcast feels like gaining a new lens on your own life, one that transforms confusion into comprehension. It’s produced by iHeartPodcasts.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 100

The Psychology of your 20s
Podcast Episodes
414. How to get out of a funk [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 36:28
When we’re ‘in a funk’, we might feel that things just aren’t going right for us, we can’t catch a break, and that life generally feels pretty flat. What’s more, we can tend to look at the world through a negative lens -…
413. You're not for everyone? GOOD! [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 36:50
It’s easy to believe that being liked by as many people as possible is a positive attribute. But when we chase this, we risk compromising our sense of identity, alienating ourselves from others, and being confused and bu…
412. Does your frontal lobe ACTUALLY develop at 25? [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 20:51
Where did this myth that our frontal lobe develops at 25 actually come from? What does the death penalty and Leonardo DiCaprio have in common? You've probably seen TikToks, videos, tweets, memes, but what is the truth ab…
410. Why does everyone have a diagnosis these days? [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 56:26
Why does it suddenly feel like everyone has a diagnosis? From ADHD and autism to anxiety, trauma, burnout, and depression - mental health language is everywhere right now. But are rates actually rising? Or are more peopl…
409. How to manage your anxiety about the future [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 40:43
It can feel like the world - and our future - has never been more precarious or frightening. It’s a very normal response to feel anxious about it - and in many ways, being concerned is just a sign that you’re alive, swit…
408. Are our phones killing intimacy? [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 35:31
It’s not a hot take to say that most of us are incredibly addicted to our phones. But when our usage bleeds into full-blown ‘technoference’ - technology interference - there can be significant, harmful consequences. In t…
407. Loving yourself, will make you more attractive [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 37:04
We are bombarded with ideas about how we should look, behave, and be. But instead of trying to constantly strive for the societal ideal, we can cut through the noise another way - and that’s by cultivating self-love. The…
406. How to romanticise your 20s (even when they suck) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 37:42
Your 20s are sold to you as the “best years of your life” - which is hilarious, considering how many of us spend them underpaid, overthinking, heartbroken, living in transitional housing, and finding a new identity every…
405. The psychology of betrayal [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 43:36
Betrayal doesn’t just ‘hurt your feelings.’ It shatters your nervous system, hijacks your sense of reality, and rewires your brain for fear and hypervigilance. We can be betrayed - or betray someone else - in a myriad of…