425. Why we want people who don't want us back

425. Why we want people who don't want us back

Author: iHeartPodcasts June 4, 2026 Duration: 32:26

Why do we become obsessed with people who don't want us back? Even when we know it will never work? Even when we know there's no convincing them? In this episode, we unpack the psychology behind unrequited love, limerence, longing, and the irresistible pull of unavailable people, including:

  • The neuroscience of craving, attraction, and obsession
  • How intermittent reinforcement keeps us emotionally hooked
  • Jacques Lacan's "object of desire" theory
  • Why high achievers often struggle with unrequited love
  • The role of limerence, fantasy, and idealisation
  • The Zeigarnik Effect and our need for closure
  • Practical strategies to finally move on and let go
  • Creating your own closure when none is given
  • Plus so so much more 

If you've ever found yourself unable to stop thinking about someone who doesn't feel the same way, this episode is for you. Together, we'll explore why it happens, what it reveals about us, and how to break free from the cycle

Watch on Netflix: HERE

Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast

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For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com

The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.


Navigating your twenties can feel like a constant, bewildering experiment where you're both the scientist and the subject. The Psychology of your 20s, hosted by Jemma Sbeg, treats this unique decade with the thoughtful analysis it deserves. Released every Tuesday and Friday, each episode picks apart a specific thread of the modern twentysomething experience-whether it's the anxiety of mapping out a career, the complexities of dating apps, the strain on friendships, or the stress of managing money for the first time. Jemma grounds these universal themes in psychological research and science, offering clarity on why this period feels so tumultuous. The conversations move beyond simple advice, instead providing a framework for understanding the mental and emotional underpinnings of decisions big and small. This isn't a lecture; it's a companionable exploration of the growing pains that define adulthood's first chapter. Tuning into this podcast feels like gaining a new lens on your own life, one that transforms confusion into comprehension. It’s produced by iHeartPodcasts.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 100

The Psychology of your 20s
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