Surrogacy, Parentage Orders, and the Legal Side of Queer Family Building

What does it really take to build a family through surrogacy as a same sex couple? In this episode, Jaimie sits down with attorney and dad Alexander Paykin to talk about his family’s surrogacy journey, the many unexpected twists along the way, and the legal realities queer parents need to understand before getting started.

Alexander shares how he and his husband chose an egg donor, what surprised them most about the surrogacy process, and why so much of queer family building comes down to preparation, paperwork, and knowing the laws in the right states at the right time. They also get into parentage orders, second-parent adoption, and just how complicated the legal side of having a baby the queer way can be.

It’s a conversation full of practical insight, real-life experience, and a powerful reminder that LGBTQ+ parents are some of the most intentional parents out there.

🏳️‍🌈 Key Takeaways

• Surrogacy is often far more complicated than intended parents expect.
• The process is not always linear. Many parts need to happen in parallel.
• Choosing an egg donor can feel overwhelming, but medical history matters most.
• A strong surrogate match can make all the difference.
• Parentage orders are incredibly important for protecting queer families.
• The laws that matter may not just be the laws in your home state.
• A surrogate’s location, travel plans, and delivery state can all affect legal outcomes.
• Surrogacy agreements are highly detailed because they account for nearly every possible scenario.
• LGBTQ+ parents go through enormous effort and intention to build their families.
• Legal guidance is not optional when it comes to surrogacy.

🏳️‍🌈 About the guest(s)

Alexander Paykin is a New York-based attorney and founder of Paykin Law. A gay dad through surrogacy, he brings both legal expertise and personal experience to conversations about the complexities of queer family building.

🏳️‍🌈 Thanks to our sponsors

Be Parent Surrogacy Be Parent oversees the creation of family through surrogacy and IVF, from the very beginning, extending support even well after birth. Mention The Queer Family Podcast to receive $2000 of your treatment! 

🏳️‍🌈 Resources Mentioned

• Illume Fertility (formerly RMA of Connecticut)The fertility clinic Alexander and his husband used for their egg donor and IVF process.
• Equality for Children / LGBTQ Parent Legal Protections (general concept discussed)While not named as a specific organization in the episode, Alexander and Jaimie discussed legal protections like parentage orders and second-parent adoption, which vary by state. Listeners are encouraged to research the laws in their state and consult a family-building attorney.

🏳️‍🌈 Interested in advertising? Email thequeerfamilypodcast@gmail.com

🎧 Loved this episode?

Support The Queer Family Podcast on Patreon for exclusive bonus content and help keep these stories alive!

OR become a paid subscriber through our RedCircle page for bonus episodes and one-time or recurring donations:

🔗 redcircle.com/thequeerfamilypodcast/exclusive-content

🏳️‍🌈 What resonated most with you?

Drop a comment, DM us, or email thequeerfamilypodcast@gmail.com—we love hearing your stories!

🏳️‍🌈 Let’s Connect!

Find us on IG, TikTok, Bluesky, & YouTube: @thequeerfamilypodcast 🏳️‍🌈 Watch full episodes on YouTube

🏳️‍🌈 Order the If These Ovaries Could Talk book 

🏳️‍🌈 Edited by: Jerson Barajas 🏳️‍🌈 Theme Song by: Tiffany Topol 🏳️‍🌈 Logo by: Daneen Stevenato 🏳️‍🌈 Shop merch here. 🏳️‍🌈 Full transcript & episode info available on our website

🗳️ VOTE. 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ ADVOCATE. 🍼 BUILD QUEER FAMILIES.

The information shared in this episode is for educational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice. Always consult a trusted professional for your specific situation!