Robert and Shannon are “two regular degular schmegular queers” who went from friends… to dating… to buying sperm in just a few months (yes, it’s as lesbian as it sounds). In this episode, they share what it looked like to build a family as a cisgender woman and a transgender man, including the realities of trans fertility, the complicated emotions around fertility preservation, and the deeply values-based way they chose a sperm donor: not for height or Ivy League degrees — but for happiness.
We also talk about raising a donor-conceived toddler with openness from day one, why donor conception is a “muscle” you build with practice (and books), and the moment their two-year-old asked a question that proved it was all starting to click: “Were you there?” Plus: PCOS, the IUI-to-IVF pivot, ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS), a successful transfer, and what they’re considering as they think about baby #2.
🏳️🌈 Key Takeaways
- How a platonic co-parent conversation turned into a relationship — and then a baby plan
- The unique decisions that come up when one partner is trans and family-building involves donor conception
- Robert’s reflections on fertility preservation and “keeping doors open” for other trans folks
- Donor search strategy: face match tools, narrowing choices, and selecting for emotional health
- Why they chose a non–ID disclosure donor — and how they plan to support their child’s autonomy later
- How to talk to kids early (and why it’s not always “organic” at first)
- The “dibling” community question — and what privacy preferences can mean for connection
- PCOS + OHSS + IVF details: egg retrieval numbers, embryo count, and transfer outcome
- Looking ahead: embryos on ice and the hope for a second child
🏳️🌈 About the guest(s)
Robert (a trans dad) and Shannon (a cis mom) built their family through donor conception and IVF after years of friendship turned fast-tracked love story. They’re now raising their donor-conceived daughter with openness, intention, and a shared commitment to happiness above all.
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