🚩 The Signs We Only See Now: Were We Ever Really Straight?

🚩 The Signs We Only See Now: Were We Ever Really Straight?

Author: Anne-Marie Zanzal 1ac1f670-c17c-11f0-806a-ef1502adef07 September 4, 2026 Duration: 42:00

This month's episode with Anna Empey is the one we have all earned after a tender chapter of heavier conversations. It is lighter, there is a lot of laughing, and it is about the signs. Not the ones we noticed at the time, but the ones we can only see now, the ones that were quietly flashing the whole time while we went about our lives.

Anne-Marie and Anna compare notes on the intense friendships they once organized their whole worlds around, and on the celebrity crushes they were so sure were nothing more than admiration. They get into the jealousy that felt far bigger than friendship, the difference between wanting to be her and wanting to be with her, and the church language of same sex attraction that so many of us were handed like a diagnosis.

There is one loving thing to hold onto before any of us starts feeling foolish. We did not miss these signs because we were oblivious. We missed them because nobody had given us the words yet. Growing up in religious and conservative homes decades apart, neither Anne-Marie nor Anna had the language to name what was right in front of them.

Wherever you are in your own questioning, you do not have to check every box, or any box at all. The only person who can name your sexuality is you. And if there is one thing this conversation makes clear, it is that you have not missed the boat. Your heart is beating, and the fullest version of your life may be waiting on the other side of what you have not yet let yourself see.

🔥Anne-Marie mentions a do-not-miss Brandi Carlile performance covering the Alanis Morrissette song "Uninvited" in this episode, so if you're curious, here's the link! https://youtu.be/kyvDyZoyGUg?si=rWXmdQGaLf6CG1gU

👉Here's a little teaser of Fortune Feimster's Netflix comedy special, "Sweet & Salty": https://youtu.be/Rdj_fEEH5oU?si=rhaJa92JvoQIuYO7

🗓️Reminder: Anna Empey joins Anne-Marie on the pod on the first Friday of every month! You might want to subscribe so you don't miss it. ;)

If this conversation stirs something in you, you do not have to sit with it alone. Authentically Us is our community for women navigating questioning and coming out later in life, with group support gatherings every week and people who understand exactly what this chapter asks of you. We would love to have you with us. Come find your people here: https://bit.ly/Authentically-Us


It can feel incredibly isolating to question your sexuality after years of living a different story. Coming Out & Beyond Support for Women Questioning Their Sexuality Later in Life is a companion for that specific journey, created for those who find themselves navigating these waters from a place of established life-perhaps within a marriage, after a divorce, or while building a family. Host Anne-Marie Zanzal brings her perspective as an ordained minister and hospice chaplain to conversations that gently unravel complex layers of identity, faith, and fear. This podcast delves into the real, often unspoken challenges: confronting compulsory heterosexuality, processing religious or spiritual conditioning, and managing the anxiety of how a personal revelation might ripple through your closest relationships. Episodes offer a blend of personal reflection, insightful interviews, and practical support, focusing on emotional and mental well-being without offering simplistic answers. It’s a space where you can hear stories that resonate with your own, fostering a sense of clarity and community. Tuning in, you’ll find a resource that honors the full spectrum of this experience-the confusion, the liberation, and everything in between-always grounded in compassion and deep understanding.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 50

Coming Out & Beyond | Support for Women Questioning Their Sexuality
Podcast Episodes
Should You Run? Unfiltered Sapphic Dating Advice [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 52:02
This month on Coming Out and Beyond it is our monthly dating and relationship show, and Anne-Marie is joined by her co-coach Barbara Rowlandson, a psychotherapist and dating coach, and her wife Tonda McKay. Before the qu…
Straight Women Don't Lie Awake Wondering if They're Gay [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 51:22
This is the start of something new. The episodes you have told us you love most are the ones where the three of us sit down together, so we are making them a monthly gathering. Once a month, Tonda, Barbara, and I will op…
Coming Out at 39: When the Puzzle Pieces Finally Fit [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 41:53
Some mornings change everything. Marissa Mitchell was 39, a teacher and army veteran in southern Indiana, married to her junior high sweetheart and quietly certain that the distance she felt in her marriage was a problem…
High Libidos, Straight Girl Crushes & Coming Out Later [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 46:14
It is the second Friday of the month, which means Anne-Marie is back with the company she loves most: her fellow coach Barbara Rowlandson and her wife Tonda McKay. This is the monthly conversation so many of you tell us…
How to Stop Letting Fear Run Your Life [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 31:57
What if fear is not a stop sign but a signal that you are growing?In this month's first Friday conversation, Anne-Marie is joined by regular guest Anna Empey, business development consultant and LGBTQ+ coach, for an hone…
The Boy Who Skated Anyway: Stef Vachon's Story [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 40:45
Content note: This conversation includes language that references homophobic slurs and a discussion of suicidal ideation and mental health struggles. Please listen with care, and reach out for support if you need it.What…
Real Talk on Sapphic Dating and Relationships [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 55:08
It is the second Friday of the month, which means Anne-Marie is joined by dating coach Barbara Rowlandson and Nashville photographer Tonda McKay, to talk all things sapphic dating and relationships. This month the trio t…
🏳️‍🌈Allyship That Truly Matters [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 51:09
When you come out to someone, you learn very quickly to tell the difference between the half embrace and the full embrace. The half embrace turns the conversation back to your husband, your children, your family system w…