You’re Probably Thinking About Boundaries All Wrong

You’re Probably Thinking About Boundaries All Wrong

Author: The New York Times April 23, 2025 Duration: 39:29
KC Davis is a therapist and author known for her practical, empathetic advice on dealing with clutter, even when you are feeling like too much of a mess yourself to take care of the mess in your home. Her TikTok videos on the subject have been viewed millions of times. But lately, Davis has been talking and writing about our relationships not just to the objects in our lives, but to the people, too. In her new book, “Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship,” Davis tries to disentangle the popular understanding of boundaries, saying the concept is widely misunderstood. She offers a guide to forming and keeping boundaries that help readers better navigate their conflicts with other people. On this episode of “Modern Love," Davis tells us what she thinks we get wrong about boundaries and how we should be thinking about them instead. She reads the Modern Love essay “Is My Husband a Doormat?” about a sudden argument between a couple 20 years into their relationship and talks about how boundaries can help defuse such situations. Davis also tells us how boundaries helped heal her own relationship with her father. The author of today’s featured essay, Lidija Hilje, has a new novel coming out in July called “Slanting Towards the Sea.“ For an upcoming episode about location sharing, the Modern Love team wants to hear your location-sharing story. Did something happen that made you regret sharing your location with someone? Was there a moment when you were thankful that you had? Where were you? What happened? How did your relationship change as a result? The deadline is May 1. Submission instructions are here. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story

For two decades, the Modern Love column in The New York Times has offered a uniquely intimate window into how people navigate relationships, heartbreak, and connection. That same spirit of honest, personal storytelling finds its voice in this weekly podcast, hosted by Anna Martin. Here, the written essays are brought to life, often by notable actors, and expanded upon through Martin’s thoughtful conversations with the authors and other guests. They delve into the aftermath of the published story, exploring what was learned and how lives have unfolded since. You’ll hear about love in its many forms-romantic, familial, platonic, and self-love-across a spectrum of experiences that are by turns heartbreaking, awkward, humorous, and profoundly uplifting. This isn’t about fairytales, but the real, messy, and transformative moments that define us. The Modern Love podcast, from The New York Times, continues that essential tradition of sharing our most vulnerable stories to see our own lives more clearly. New episodes arrive every Wednesday.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 100

Modern Love
Podcast Episodes
You Think You Know Elizabeth Gilbert. You Don’t. [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 53:43
When her wildly popular memoir “Eat Pray Love” came out in 2006, Elizabeth Gilbert suddenly found herself touted as an expert on self fulfillment, spirituality and love. Readers might assume that Gilbert had vanquished h…
Why I Always Dreamed of Being a Sister Wife [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 48:33
Christine Woolley always knew she wanted to be in a plural marriage. She grew up in a fundamentalist Mormon community, loved having two moms and several grandmothers, and wanted to raise her own children in that environm…
Nic and Olandria on What the ‘Love Island’ Cameras Missed [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 43:23
Olandria Carthen and Nic Vansteenberghe spent a lot of this past season on “Love Island USA” coupled up with other people, but in a last-minute twist they wound up together. Fans were divided. They read into body languag…
Bridget Everett Says a Best Friend Can Be Your Greatest Love (Encore) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 38:09
Stories of romantic love are everywhere, but the actor, singer and comedian Bridget Everett says that friendships deserve our attention, too. Onscreen and in everyday life. Last Fall, Everett appeared on Modern Love to t…
Where Did All My Male Friendships Go? [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:01:44
Sam Graham-Felsen never imagined being lonely. Throughout his childhood and as a young man his life revolved around his friends. But when Sam got married and then had kids, going out with his friends almost felt like a l…
The Kind of Pain She Wanted [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 46:35
For her entire life, Grace Hussar has been an overthinker. No matter how much she wanted to be in the moment, she always felt as if she was just outside it. But when she took up endurance running, she realized something:…
Reneé Rapp on Blurring the Line Between Bestie and Lover [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 36:42
The pop singer and actress Reneé Rapp has a deep love for her friends. She maintains a nonstop group chat with more than 15 close friends every day. Their lives are so intertwined that the line between platonic and roman…
How to Keep Love Alive, With Rob Delaney of ‘Dying for Sex’ [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 37:04
When we meet Rob Delaney’s character, “Neighbor Guy,” in FX’s limited series “Dying for Sex,” he’s scarfing down a burrito in an elevator, dripping food on his face and the floor. But Delaney’s performance reveals that u…