SWM 145 – AQ – Handjobs, sex on a full stomach, routines, sex tapes and more

AQ - Handjobs, sex on a full stomach, routines, sex tapes and more. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

Welcome to the new year. I took a bit of a hiatus in December due to travel, sickness, holidays and, honestly, just feeling a bit burnt out. But we’re getting back on our schedules, and I thought we’d kick it off with catching up on our Anonymous Questions. These are questions that have been submitted over the last few months to our anonymous Have A Question page. They come with no contact information, and so all the context we have is what has been submitted. I post them in our supporter’s forum and let them add their thoughts to the discussion.

Then, typically every month or so, I gather them up and do a post like this. Without further ado, here are the latest anonymous questions:

How do you start a conversation about not having sex with your spouse without it feeling like a total guilt trip? My wife and I are in our 30s and it feels like a rarity for us to have sex. The biggest thing holding me back from having this conversation is that I feel like I’m just going to get pity sex… and that almost seems worse in my mind. I’m not trying to make my wife feel bad but I also want her to have a lightbulb moment of “aha! Sex is fun! I want more of that!” And I know that isn’t just going to magically happen… so basically, I’m stuck. I want it and I want her to want it but I don’t want it if she’s just do it out of pity because that means she doesn’t really want it. Am I making any sense? Is there a solution or a talking point that can bring about understanding without it coming across like a major guilt trip?

This actually hits upon a lot of topics, so we’re going to go through them sort of rapid fire, because I could probably do an entire weekend seminar on answering this question. And you’re right, it doesn’t just magically happen - it takes intentionality.