From Unexpected Pregnancy to Known Donor RIVF: A Queer Family Building & IVF Journey

Kaya Colin—therapist, couples coach, and parent of two—shares a deeply layered journey through identity, belonging, and queer family building.

From an unexpected first pregnancy that challenged how others saw their queerness, to navigating single parenthood, to falling in love with their transmasculine partner and building their second child through reciprocal IVF—this story is complex, resilient, and deeply honest.

We unpack what it means to feel “not queer enough,” the emotional toll of fertility journeys, and how to stay connected to your partner through identity shifts and everything that comes with building a family.

Kaya also shares their decision to use a known donor, how they talk to their kids about their origin stories, and why their family is preparing to leave the U.S. in search of safety and alignment.

This is a conversation about redefining family, reclaiming identity, and choosing your path—even when it doesn’t fit into anyone else’s box.

🏳️‍🌈 Key Takeaways

• Identity isn’t always linear—especially within the queer community
• Experiencing both external and internalized gatekeeping around queerness
• Becoming a parent while navigating a major identity shift
• Building a relationship while already parenting a young child
• A partner’s gender transition within the relationship
• Reciprocal IVF (RIVF) with a trans partner and the physical/emotional toll
• Fertility struggles, miscarriage, and the impact on relationships
• Choosing and navigating a known donor relationship
• Raising kids with open, age-appropriate conversations about their origin stories
• Using books and language to normalize queer family building
• The importance of staying connected as a couple during TTC and parenting
• Making the decision to leave the U.S. for safety and alignment as a queer family

🏳️‍🌈 About the guest(s)

Kaya Colin (she/they) is a queer, non-binary therapist, couples coach, and founder of The Relational Compass. With over 15 years of clinical experience, Kaya specializes in helping couples navigate transitions, connection, and communication through a neuroscience-informed, relational approach.

They are a parent of two and bring both professional expertise and lived experience to their work—particularly when it comes to relationships, identity, and family building within the LGBTQ+ community.

🏳️‍🌈 Resources Mentioned

• Website: https://therelationalcompass.com
• Instagram: @therelationalcompass

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🏳️‍🌈 Edited by: Jerson Barajas 🏳️‍🌈 Co-Produced by Jaimie Kelton & Dianni Hall 🏳️‍🌈 Theme Song by: Tiffany Topol 🏳️‍🌈 Logo by: Daneen Stevenato 

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The information shared in this episode is for educational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice. Always consult a trusted professional for your specific situation!