#18: Using Skills to Get Through the Holidays

#18: Using Skills to Get Through the Holidays

Author: Bay Area DBT & Couples Counseling Center November 27, 2019 Duration: 33:09

The holidays are a time where there is often a lot of pressure to have a certain kind of experience - one that is about family, friends, joy, and celebration. For many folks, this is more of a fantasy than a reality. 

If you are fortunate enough to enjoy time with family and friends during the holidays, the expectation of constant togetherness and merry-making can be a set up for disappointment.

This episode discusses common themes that come up during the holidays as well as ways to take care of yourself.

 

Show Highlights:

  • The mythical family gathering where everyone is happy creates a lot of unrealistic expectations
  • Travel can add pressure and stress 
  • Even in the most functional families, it's often a lot of concentrated time together
  • Old dynamics between parents and adult children arise
  • Dealing with judgmental family members
  • Cope Ahead is a great skill to use for the holidays
  • Cope Ahead requires you to describe the situation that will prompt a problem response in you, anticipate the problem behavior or emotion ahead of time, and then plan out what skills you will use
  • The skill of Radical Acceptance - that you have the family, friends, and social life that you have right now
  • Acceptance does not equal approval
  • Adult children can often think that they are going to go back to families and change them and this rarely works
  • Loneliness, isolation, and grief gets amplified 
  • Creating your own rituals and traditions
  • The Distress Tolerance skill of Contributing can be especially helpful during the holidays

Recap of Skills Discussed:

  • Mindfulness
  • PLEASE 
  • Cope Ahead
  • Radical Acceptance
  • Mindfulness of Others
  • Contributing

Links & Resources:

DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition

Ask Us a Question!

We'd love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here. 

Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.

To learn more about DBT and therapy in general, read our blog.


Hosted by the clinicians at the Bay Area DBT & Couples Counseling Center, The Skillful Podcast is a practical guide for anyone feeling stuck in their emotional patterns or relationships. Instead of abstract theory, each episode breaks down tangible skills from two powerful frameworks: Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Radically-Open DBT (RO-DBT). You'll hear straightforward explanations of concepts like mindfulness, distress tolerance, and emotional regulation, but also learn about the often-overlooked skills of openness, flexibility, and social connectedness that RO-DBT emphasizes. The focus is always on application-how to take these ideas off the therapist's couch and weave them into your daily interactions and internal world. Whether navigating personal stress, a challenging conversation, or the pursuit of a more fulfilling life, this podcast offers concrete tools to try in real time. It’s a resource for building resilience from the inside out, episode by episode. Tuning in feels less like a lecture and more like a thoughtful consultation, where complex psychological wisdom is translated into actionable steps for reducing suffering and fostering deeper connections with others and yourself.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 61

The Skillful Podcast
Podcast Episodes
#61: DBT Skills Group for Therapists [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 8:21
Are you a therapist who wants the experience of being in a DBT skills group yourself? Are you curious about how the skills can help YOU? Marielle and Ed are starting a new skills group designed specifically for therapist…
#60: Problem Solving [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 27:29
What DBT skill do you use when your emotion fits the facts? One option is to work on changing the facts. The skill of Problem Solving offers a structured framework to help you change situations that cause painful emotion…
#59: Willingness [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 30:12
Today's episode discusses the DBT skill of Willingness. Willingness is one of the reality acceptance skills that we teach in Distress Tolerance. This skill can help you let go of fighting what is so you can do what's nee…
#58: Applying DEAR MAN in Difficult Interactions [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 33:40
Once you have grasp of the DEAR MAN skill, you might find yourself getting stuck when you try to use it in difficult interactions. Maybe the other person pushes back, tries to change the subject, or refuses to engage fai…
#57: Figuring Out How to Change Painful Emotions [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 34:53
Once you have a grasp of the change-oriented skills in DBT (such as Check the Facts, Opposite Action, and Problem Solving) it can be hard to figure out which one to use. This episode walks you through deciding if and whe…
#56: Emotions Explained: Shame [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 30:16
Shame is one of the most painful emotions we can experience. This episode explores what shame is, when the emotion is useful (and when it's not), and skills to help you cope when shame threatens to overwhelm you. Shame i…
#55: Emotions Explained: Fear [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 35:11
Today's episode focuses on the emotion of fear. At its most fundamental, fear keeps us safe. It guides us to fight, flee, or freeze in the face of danger. Often, though, fear can be chronic, manifesting as anxiety, worry…
#54: Emotions Explained: Anger [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 34:07
In this episode, Marielle and Ed discuss the emotion of anger. In its most useful form, anger moves us to protect and defend ourselves and those we care about. Many people, though, find anger frightening because they hav…
#53: Walking the Middle Path [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 33:33
When we find ourselves getting caught in extremes, the DBT skill called Walking the Middle Path helps us re-calibrate. Use this skill when you notice you are caught in binary thinking to find a way to move towards center…
#52: Interpersonal Effectiveness Overview [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 49:38
This episode is an overview of the core Interpersonal Effectiveness skills in DBT, focusing on clarifying objectives, DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST. There are a lot of acronyms in the Interpersonal Effectiveness module! Memor…