Why You Fight: The Hidden Wound Behind Every Argument in Your Relationship

Why You Fight: The Hidden Wound Behind Every Argument in Your Relationship

Author: Josh Trent September 22, 2026 Duration: 1:20:09

What if the fight you keep having with your partner is not about them at all, but about a wound that formed in your childhood?

Josh Trent welcomes Kim Polinder, relationship therapist and author of Why We Fight, to the Wellness + Wisdom Podcast, episode 834, to explore why every recurring argument is a psychodrama from your earliest wounds playing out in the present, why self-awareness alone is never enough to change behavior in conflict, and how a five-step apology framework can turn the most exhausting fight into the most honest conversation you have ever had with the person you love most.


In This Episode, Kim Polinder Uncovers:

  • (01:15) The Fight Beneath the Fight
  • (08:20) Why Gratitude Opens the Door to Repair
  • (12:10) The Anatomy of a Trigger
  • (16:05) The Work That Makes Repair Possible
  • (19:55) The Childhood Wound
  • (24:20) The Belief You Choose to Keep
  • (28:35) Own the Mindset
  • (34:15) The Price of Not Apologizing
  • (39:35) Projection and the Power of Going First
  • (43:00) What Suffering Teaches About the Soul
  • (48:35) When We Make a Promise We Cannot Keep
  • (55:20) Raw Honesty Requires Courage
  • (01:01:00) The Importance of Grace and Forgiveness
  • (01:06:50) How to Give Yourself a Little More Grace
  • (01:12:15) Self-Awareness Is Not Always Enough
  • (01:16:25) All Roads Lead Back to Your Inner Child

👉 ⁠⁠⁠Get the full SHOW NOTES + resources HERE!⁠⁠


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Hosted by Josh Trent, the Wellness + Wisdom Podcast serves as a gathering place for anyone looking to navigate the complexities of contemporary life with a greater sense of balance and purpose. Rather than offering quick fixes, conversations are designed to explore foundational aspects of our existence-what Josh calls the "Pentagon of Wellness," which encompasses physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and financial health. The approach here is deliberate, taking a single topic and examining it from multiple angles to uncover practical, embodied wisdom. You’ll hear Josh engage with a variety of voices and ideas, consistently asking the thoughtful, often challenging questions that get to the heart of what authentic well-being really means. Tuning into this podcast feels like joining a thoughtful dialogue where insights from each episode are meant to be applied, creating tangible shifts in how you move through your days. It’s a resource for those who believe that thriving in our modern world requires an integrated, courageous look at all the facets of a human life.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 50

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