Todd and Cathy discuss Mel Robbins book “Let Them”, the importance of nuance in self-help concepts. They also touched on the importance of trust and communication in relationships, and the concept of “letting go” in personal relationships. Lastly, they shared their thoughts on various TV shows and movies, and emphasized the importance of self-awareness and emotional expression in relationships.
For the full show notes, visit zenpopparenting.com.
Some Ways to Support Us
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- Attend ZenCon 25
- Order Restoring our Girls
- Join Team Zen
- Sign up for Cathy’s Substack
Other Ways to Support Us
This week’s sponsor(s):
- Avid Co DuPage County Area Decorating, Painting, Remodeling by Avid Co includes kitchens, basements, bathrooms, flooring, tiling, fire and flood restoration.
- MenLiving – A virtual and in-person community of guys connecting deeply and living fully. No requirements, no creeds, no gurus, no judgements
- Todd Adams Life & Leadership Coaching for Guys
Summary
Zen Parenting Conference and Self-Help
Todd and Kathy discussed the upcoming Zen Parenting Conference, which has been taking up most of Todd’s time. They also touched on the topic of self-help, noting its resurgence and the repackaging of existing ideas. Todd expressed his appreciation for self-help but emphasized the importance of nuance, using Mel Robbins’ book “Let Them” as an example. He mentioned that he plans to write a substack about the topic and acknowledged that the concept of “let them” has been around for a long time, even though it’s now being called a “theory.”
Zencon 25 Event and Parenting Tips
Todd discussed the upcoming Zencon 25 event, which starts a week from Friday, January 24th. He mentioned that Glenn Phillips, the lead singer of Toad the Wet Sprocket, will be performing an acoustic set and sharing stories. Todd and Kathy will also be on stage for a couple of hours before the musical act. Todd encouraged everyone to attend the event, even offering to help with ticket costs for those who are interested but facing financial issues. He also discussed a section from a book called “Restoring Our Girls,” which highlights phrases to avoid when dealing with daughters. Todd emphasized the importance of being mindful of the language used when interacting with children.
Building Trust in Sensitive Conversations
Todd discussed the importance of trust and communication in relationships, particularly when dealing with sensitive topics such as sexual assault. He emphasized the need to question negative myths and stereotypes about girls, and to create a non-judgmental environment where they feel comfortable sharing their experiences. Todd also highlighted the importance of not shutting down conversations with phrases like “I don’t believe you,” and instead encouraging open dialogue. He concluded by briefly touching on the topic of “I told you so,” which he described as a potentially damaging phrase in relationships.
Balancing Self-Reflection and Conflict
Todd discussed the concept of “let them” from a self-help book, emphasizing the importance of allowing others to be themselves and not trying to control their feelings or actions. He noted that while this approach can be beneficial, it should not be taken to an extreme where it leads to passivity or avoidance of conflict. Todd also highlighted the need for personal growth and self-reflection, suggesting that one’s own reactivity and aversion to conflict should be investigated. He used the example of a yoga class to illustrate the balance between allowing others to have their own experiences and ensuring their safety.
Balancing Letting Go in Relationships
Todd and the speaker discussed the concept of “letting go” and its application in personal relationships. They agreed that while the idea is not new, it can be easily manipulated or oversimplified. They also discussed the importance of self-awareness and nuance in applying this concept, emphasizing that it’s not about being hyper-focused on others’ experiences but about finding a balance. They touched on the idea that sometimes, letting go means not trying to fix or control a situation, but rather allowing it to unfold naturally. The conversation also highlighted the need for individuals to explore what feels right for them, rather than blindly following a concept.
Sesame Street Characters and Interstellar
Todd discussed his favorite Sesame Street characters, including Oscar the Grouch and Snuffleupagus, and how they represented different emotions. He also shared his thoughts on the character Murray, who he believes could still be on the show. Todd then shifted the conversation to his recent viewing of the movie Interstellar, expressing some difficulty in understanding certain aspects but overall enjoying it. He also mentioned starting to watch the show Land Man, which features Jon Hamm and Debbie Moore. Towards the end, Todd acknowledged that the women in Land Man were not well-written, but he was willing to give the show more time.
Balancing Personal Growth and Relationships
Todd discussed the importance of self-awareness and emotional expression in relationships, particularly in parenting. He emphasized the need to balance involvement in children’s lives with personal growth and emotional well-being. Todd also highlighted the potential for oversimplification in self-help literature, such as Don Miguel Ruiz’s 4 Agreements, and the importance of considering one’s own consciousness and intuition. He concluded by encouraging the group to continue their personal growth journey while maintaining a balance between personal and communal responsibilities.
