We dig into the gender differences in why we show up the way we do, how we’re conditioned, why women so often carry the weight of everyone’s well-being, and why emotional presence is still seen as optional for a lot of men. We talk about why these conversations are essential in our own homes, and what sometimes keeps us from having them. We also explore how all of this shows up not just in families and relationships, but in leadership, corporate culture, and the bigger cultural conversation around change and staying connected.
Some Ways to Support Us
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- Wildcard – Men, Marriage, and Menopause: Navigating the Change Together
- Sign up for Cathy’s Substack
- Order Restoring our Girls
- Join Team Zen
- Fatherhood Full House
- Dark Side of the Moon Advance
Time Stamp
20:51 What Do You Think About When You Wake Up?
26:58 Difference b/w men and women
43:36 Poop talk *
Links shared in this episode:
For the full show notes, visit zenpopparenting.com.
This week’s sponsor(s):
- Avid Co DuPage County Area Decorating, Painting, Remodeling by Avid Co includes kitchens, basements, bathrooms, flooring, tiling, fire and flood restoration.
- David Serrano- Certified Financial Planner- 815-370-3780
- MenLiving – A virtual and in-person community of guys connecting deeply and living fully. No requirements, no creeds, no gurus, no judgements
- Todd Adams Life & Leadership Coaching for Guys
Other Ways to Support Us
AI Summary
Parenting Strategies and Acts of Service
Todd and Kathy discussed their parenting experiences and strategies. Todd shared a story about his daughter asking him to pick up Chipotle for her, which he gladly did as an act of service. Kathy pointed out that this aligns with Todd’s love language of acts of service. They also discussed the importance of connecting with their children, even if it means doing favors for them. Additionally, they touched on the topic of not allowing their children to use DoorDash, as it costs money and they prefer to do things for them.
Reframing Parenting and Building Relationships
Todd discussed the importance of reframing the narrative around children’s involvement in their lives. He shared a personal experience where he initially hesitated to help his daughter with a task, but ultimately decided to support her. The conversation then shifted to the need for parents to strike a balance between supporting their children and teaching them independence. The group also discussed the challenges of parenting teenagers and the need to adapt to their changing needs. Todd introduced a new subscription called “Pebbling” on his Substack platform, which aims to provide small gestures of connection and affection to build relationships.
Cultural Conditioning and Gender Roles
Todd discussed the cultural conditioning and expectations that influence their daily routines and interactions. He highlighted how these expectations are deeply ingrained in their upbringing and gender roles, affecting their behavior and decision-making. Todd emphasized the importance of understanding these factors to improve communication and balance in their relationships. He also touched on the potential for defensiveness in men when confronted with perceived inadequacies, suggesting that this is a result of cultural conditioning rather than personal failure.
Questioning Patriarchy and Systemic Change
Todd discussed the cultural belief that white men should not be questioned, using the Brett Kavanaugh hearings as an example. He emphasized the need to question the system rather than individual men, and how this can lead to a better understanding and conversation. Todd also highlighted the difference between freedom and permission, using the example of a banker who felt liberated after the recent president’s election. He stressed that patriarchy is a system, not a personal issue, and that men should not take it personally when it is discussed. Todd also pointed out the importance of recognizing the contributions of others, regardless of gender, in achieving success.
Todd’s Gratitude and Financial Discussions
Todd and his partner discussed the importance of gratitude and understanding in their relationship. They talked about how they used to focus on gratitude to strengthen their bond and how this foundation helped them navigate conversations about money and other issues. Todd also shared his experiences with a coach who suggested having regular meetings to discuss their finances, which helped alleviate his money-related worries. They also discussed the need to shift from a mindset of individual strength to a collective approach, emphasizing the importance of considering each other’s needs and working together.
Shared Responsibilities and Unpaid Emotional Labor
Todd discussed the importance of shared responsibilities and understanding each other’s perspectives. He highlighted the need for men to be more aware of the unpaid emotional labor women do, such as caring for children and elderly people. Todd also mentioned his upcoming event on Zoom about menopause and the benefits of his team, Zen. He encouraged everyone to give his book a 5-star review if they found it helpful.
