Making Danish friends: A few tips based on experience

Making Danish friends: A few tips based on experience

Author: Kay Xander Mellish December 1, 2019 Duration: 7:24

If you're newly arrived in Denmark, making Danish friends is not easy – in fact, surveys show that one of the main reasons internationals end up leaving is the difficulty of building a network.

The irony is that Danes are actually very good at friendship. Their friendships are strong, reliable, and deep-rooted. Friends can count on each other.

But because Danes take friendships so seriously, they like to keep their number of friendships under control. They don't want to take on more friends than they can keep their deep commitment to.

The statement "I just don't have room for any more friends" sounds perfectly sensible to Danes, and utterly stunning to foreigners.

When internationals ask me how they can make Danish friends, I have one primary piece of advice.

It is: find a Dane who did not grow up in the part of Denmark where you live now.


For anyone curious about or currently navigating Danish life from the outside, How to Live in Denmark serves as an essential, on-the-ground guide. Hosted by Kay Xander Mellish, an American writer who has made Denmark her home for over ten years, this conversation cuts straight to the heart of the everyday realities in one of the world's most homogenous-and often puzzling-societies. Rather than lengthy lectures, you'll find concise, ten-minute episodes packed with practical advice and cultural translation. This isn't just about travel tips; it's a deep dive into the unspoken rules of Danish social etiquette, the nuances of the local workplace, and the sometimes surprising path to feeling at home in a country frequently labeled the world's happiest. Mellish draws from her own long-term experience to explain everything from navigating the infamous Jantelov to understanding the Danish approach to business meetings and casual Friday night hygge. As Denmark's longest-running English-language podcast, it has become a trusted resource for internationals, whether they are planning a move, newly arrived, or have been settled for years but still occasionally find themselves wondering, "Why do Danes do it that way?" Each episode feels like a chat with a well-informed friend who helps decode the complexities of a fascinating culture, making your time there richer and a lot less confusing.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 151

How to Live in Denmark
Podcast Episodes
The Secret Strategy for Practicing Spoken Danish [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 6:08
Newcomers to Denmark often complain that the locals aren't chatty. Danes don't want to converse on the bus, or on the train, or in line at the supermarket, or really anyplace that isn't a designated social zone. Like the…
Queen Margrethe, Denmark's good-humored, much-loved monarch [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 6:00
No matter how they feel about the institution of royalty, almost everyone likes Denmark's Queen Margrethe, who is celebrating 50 years on the throne this week. Every New Year's Eve, the streets of Denmark go quiet as the…
The Non-Drinkers' Guide to Danish Christmas parties [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 6:03
Drinking, and drinking heavily, is common in Denmark at holiday time. Whether it's the traditional "gløgg" - hot spiced wine with nuts, orange peel and a little brandy - or the specially-made (and specially-strong) Chris…
Denmark's Big and Wonderful Second Hand Economy [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 7:13
Denmark has a thriving second-hand economy, in part because people generally don't look down on second-hand goods here. The Danes are practical people – why should something be thrown out when it can be used again? And t…
On the Road: The Tunnel to Germany [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 6:54
Getting to Sweden from Copenhagen is easy: you take a quick trip across the Øresund Bridge in your car or on the train. Getting to Norway from Copenhagen isn't too hard: there's a ferry that runs every day from Nordhavn.…
On the Road: Riding Copenhagen's big yellow "Harbor Bus" ferry [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 18:06
One of Denmark's cheapest and most colorful vacations is a few hours riding back and forth on Copenhagen's big yellow Harbor Bus, or "Havnebussen", a commuter ferry designed to transport ordinary citizens between downtow…
On the Road in Denmark: Esbjerg, Ribe, and Fanø [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 6:46
When I mentioned going to Esbjerg for a few days off this spring, many of my friends in Copenhagen said - why? Esbjerg doesn't have a reputation as a vacation spot, even though its fifth-largest city in Denmark and the y…
Saving money in Denmark: How to get around for less [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 7:29
No matter what the tourist brochures suggest, you probably won't go *everywhere* on a bike in Denmark. And along with food and housing, getting around is a big part of the cost of living in Denmark. Here are a few tips t…
Saving money on food in Denmark [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 8:43
Anyone who has spent time living in Denmark knows that it's one of the most expensive countries around. That's true when it comes to food shopping, too. One Dane who had lived in the US explained it this way: "In Denmark…
Books about Denmark from the second hand store [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 6:33
I love old books. I love the kind of old books you get at antique bookstores or on the Internet Archive. And I have a good collection of old books about Denmark. I like old travel guides, most of which are still pretty u…