Go to Bed Angry (#344)

Go to Bed Angry (#344)

Author: Dan Koch August 21, 2025 Duration: 36:25
My 42nd birthday sale is LIVE! Join as an Annual Member of my Patreon to get 42% off through September 1 and enjoy ad-free access to Patron-exclusive content like this! In today’s bonus episode, team member Joy Vetterlein and I tackle what might be the most commonly given piece of marriage advice at wedding receptions: "don't go to bed angry."  After seeing comedian Leanne Morgan flip this conventional wisdom on its head during a Colbert appearance, we dive into why this advice became so popular in mid-20th century America through the "infection model" of marital conflict, explore what modern neuroscience tells us about arguing while dysregulated (hint: your prefrontal cortex isn't working very well at a 7+ on the anger scale), and discover that the original biblical verse this advice comes from had absolutely nothing to do with marriage. I share my practical "rule of sevens" for knowing when to table an argument, and confess to being the type of person who will hijack wedding videographers to give counter-programming relationship advice. In the Patreon portion, Joy and I get personal about our own marriages, including her revelation about needing to give herself permission to consider divorce in order to truly choose her marriage, and we explore a 7th-century monk's surprisingly modern insights about anger as spiritual energy. ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/ Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.com YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98 Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/ Artwork by sprungle.co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hosted by Dan Koch, Religion on the Mind digs into the messy, fascinating, and deeply personal space where our inner lives meet our search for meaning. This isn't a sermon or a debate; it's a series of conversations that feel more like late-night talks with curious friends. Each episode brings in a different voice-psychologists, scholars, writers, and other experts-to explore how our beliefs, doubts, rituals, and spiritual yearnings are intertwined with the workings of the human mind. We get into the psychology behind religious experience, the spirituality that emerges outside traditional structures, and the very real ways these forces shape identity, community, and coping. The tone is thoughtful but unvarnished, embracing complexity without pretension. You'll hear genuine curiosity, nuanced perspectives, and, yes, the occasional bit of cussing when the topic calls for it. The goal is to offer a space for reflection on how these fundamental aspects of being human collide and coexist. If you've ever wondered about the psychological roots of faith, the spirituality of non-belief, or just how our brains make sense of the profound, this podcast provides a grounded, accessible entry point to those questions.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 100

Religion on the Mind
Podcast Episodes
Facing Anxious Times Together, Part 5 (#393) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 44:34
This is the fifth and final installment of the Anxious Times series, and we're bringing it home by exploring what existential psychology has to say about community, belonging, and civic engagement. I’m joined by returnin…
Naming Your Limits As a Tool For Hope: Anxious Times, Part 4 (#391) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 30:54
Co-host Kristen Tideman and I work through the final two legs of Emmy van Dersen's triad — the impossible and the desirable — using Kristen's new motherhood, MS diagnosis, and ongoing religious change as real, lived test…
Western Psychology, Eastern Spirituality with Jeffrey Rubin (#390) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:07:57
I sit down with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Jeffrey Rubin to explore his concept of meditative psychotherapy — a genuinely reciprocal integration of Western psychoanalysis and Eastern contemplative practice that…
How to Accept What You Cannot Change: Anxious Times, Part 3 (#389) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 32:06
I'm joined by my co-host Kristen Tideman for the third installment of the Anxious Times series. We dig into Emmy van Dersen's concept of "the necessary" — the hard limits baked into existence that we can't change, only a…
Epstein, Conspiracy Theories & Evangelicalism with Jared Stacy (#388) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:41:18
I sit down with theologian and ethicist Dr. Jared Stacey to unpack his new book Reality in Ruins: How Conspiracy Theory Became an Evangelical Crisis, exploring what actually distinguishes a conspiracy theory from a real…
When Old Systems Stop Working: Anxious Times, Part 2 (#387) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:15:48
We're not just individually stressed — we're living through a historic collision of crises that existential psychology has a name for. In this second episode of our Anxious Times series, Kristen Tideman and I explore why…
Skeptical Belief with Harper’s Editor Christopher Beha (#386) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 36:42
In this episode, I sit down with Harper’s Magazine Editor Christopher Beha to explore why neither scientific materialism nor romantic idealism fully satisfies — and what a third path might look like. We ask questions lik…
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Anxiety: Anxious Times, Part 1 (#385) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:24:59
Introducing a NEW five-part series called Anxious Times, focused on practical insights from existential psychology for navigating intense periods like the one we’re living through, both collectively and individually. Dra…
GGCH: Josh Had a Baby… in THIS Economy?! (#384) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 44:43
…In this sociopolitical economy, that is. I’m joined in today’s Generation Gap Culture Hour by regulars Josh Gilbert, Tony Jones, and we hear all about the newest generation to our experiment — Josh’s brand new baby! A r…