Go to Bed Angry (#344)

Go to Bed Angry (#344)

Author: Dan Koch August 21, 2025 Duration: 36:25
My 42nd birthday sale is LIVE! Join as an Annual Member of my Patreon to get 42% off through September 1 and enjoy ad-free access to Patron-exclusive content like this! In today’s bonus episode, team member Joy Vetterlein and I tackle what might be the most commonly given piece of marriage advice at wedding receptions: "don't go to bed angry."  After seeing comedian Leanne Morgan flip this conventional wisdom on its head during a Colbert appearance, we dive into why this advice became so popular in mid-20th century America through the "infection model" of marital conflict, explore what modern neuroscience tells us about arguing while dysregulated (hint: your prefrontal cortex isn't working very well at a 7+ on the anger scale), and discover that the original biblical verse this advice comes from had absolutely nothing to do with marriage. I share my practical "rule of sevens" for knowing when to table an argument, and confess to being the type of person who will hijack wedding videographers to give counter-programming relationship advice. In the Patreon portion, Joy and I get personal about our own marriages, including her revelation about needing to give herself permission to consider divorce in order to truly choose her marriage, and we explore a 7th-century monk's surprisingly modern insights about anger as spiritual energy. ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/ Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.com YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98 Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/ Artwork by sprungle.co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hosted by Dan Koch, Religion on the Mind digs into the messy, fascinating, and deeply personal space where our inner lives meet our search for meaning. This isn't a sermon or a debate; it's a series of conversations that feel more like late-night talks with curious friends. Each episode brings in a different voice-psychologists, scholars, writers, and other experts-to explore how our beliefs, doubts, rituals, and spiritual yearnings are intertwined with the workings of the human mind. We get into the psychology behind religious experience, the spirituality that emerges outside traditional structures, and the very real ways these forces shape identity, community, and coping. The tone is thoughtful but unvarnished, embracing complexity without pretension. You'll hear genuine curiosity, nuanced perspectives, and, yes, the occasional bit of cussing when the topic calls for it. The goal is to offer a space for reflection on how these fundamental aspects of being human collide and coexist. If you've ever wondered about the psychological roots of faith, the spirituality of non-belief, or just how our brains make sense of the profound, this podcast provides a grounded, accessible entry point to those questions.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 100

Religion on the Mind
Podcast Episodes
Kirk, Dobson & Evangelical Complexity with Bonnie Kristian (#373) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:00:59
I sit down with returning guest Bonnie Kristian, deputy editor at Christianity Today, to examine tensions in contemporary evangelicalism in light of her upcoming book, In Defense of Evangelicalism. First up, we look at J…
Hopelessly Religious & Moving to the Country (#372) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 37:18
I reconnect with my friend Brian Hall to explore his family's move from Portland to rural Oregon—driven by their kids' special needs, exhaustion with sociopolitical polarization, and Brian's ongoing “reconstruction” of h…
Making Peace with Mortality, Or “Dying, Fast and Slow” (#371) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:34:24
These are the notes I just worked on: I sit down with our friend Kristen Tideman for one of those conversations that starts heavy and somehow leaves you feeling more alive. Kristen recently received a complicated diagnos…
Trusting Yourself After Religious Change (#370) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:10:14
In today’s episode, I’m joined by licensed professional counselor Monica DiCristina to explore the question that haunts so many people leaving conservative religious environments: What can I trust about myself? Monica sh…
Your Brain is a Large Language Model (#368) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:23:15
In today’s episode, I’m joined by social psychologist Dr. James Pennebaker from UT Austin to explore an uncomfortable truth: we don't use language to tell the truth—we use it to justify ourselves and protect our egos, wh…
GenDERation Gap Culture Hour with Joy, Josh and Tony (#367) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 33:51
Welcome to a special episode of GenDERation Gap Culture Hour with Joy Vetterlein bringing a female perspective to the conversation with me, Josh Gilbert and Tony Jones. We launch in with crystals and why religious nones…
Rabbi and Journalist Jay Michaelson (#366) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:46:26
In today’s episode, I’m joined by writer, rabbi, journalist and fellow “weird religious person” Jay Michaelson for a thought-provoking conversation that already has me scheming ways to have him back on the show! We artic…
Modern Medicine is Still Religious (#365) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 33:08
I sit down with Dr. Nathan Carlin, professor of medical humanities and author of The Secularization of Medicine, to explore his fascinating thesis that doctors have become the new priests of secular society. We trace how…
AI Will Not Doom Us (Nor Climate Change) (#364) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:10:34
We ease into today’s topic with a Top of Mind segment on two competing narratives: does having children make the future better? Or worse? From right-leaning fears of population collapse to left-leaning concerns about ove…