Go to Bed Angry (#344)

Go to Bed Angry (#344)

Author: Dan Koch August 21, 2025 Duration: 36:25
My 42nd birthday sale is LIVE! Join as an Annual Member of my Patreon to get 42% off through September 1 and enjoy ad-free access to Patron-exclusive content like this! In today’s bonus episode, team member Joy Vetterlein and I tackle what might be the most commonly given piece of marriage advice at wedding receptions: "don't go to bed angry."  After seeing comedian Leanne Morgan flip this conventional wisdom on its head during a Colbert appearance, we dive into why this advice became so popular in mid-20th century America through the "infection model" of marital conflict, explore what modern neuroscience tells us about arguing while dysregulated (hint: your prefrontal cortex isn't working very well at a 7+ on the anger scale), and discover that the original biblical verse this advice comes from had absolutely nothing to do with marriage. I share my practical "rule of sevens" for knowing when to table an argument, and confess to being the type of person who will hijack wedding videographers to give counter-programming relationship advice. In the Patreon portion, Joy and I get personal about our own marriages, including her revelation about needing to give herself permission to consider divorce in order to truly choose her marriage, and we explore a 7th-century monk's surprisingly modern insights about anger as spiritual energy. ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/ Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.com YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98 Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/ Artwork by sprungle.co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hosted by Dan Koch, Religion on the Mind digs into the messy, fascinating, and deeply personal space where our inner lives meet our search for meaning. This isn't a sermon or a debate; it's a series of conversations that feel more like late-night talks with curious friends. Each episode brings in a different voice-psychologists, scholars, writers, and other experts-to explore how our beliefs, doubts, rituals, and spiritual yearnings are intertwined with the workings of the human mind. We get into the psychology behind religious experience, the spirituality that emerges outside traditional structures, and the very real ways these forces shape identity, community, and coping. The tone is thoughtful but unvarnished, embracing complexity without pretension. You'll hear genuine curiosity, nuanced perspectives, and, yes, the occasional bit of cussing when the topic calls for it. The goal is to offer a space for reflection on how these fundamental aspects of being human collide and coexist. If you've ever wondered about the psychological roots of faith, the spirituality of non-belief, or just how our brains make sense of the profound, this podcast provides a grounded, accessible entry point to those questions.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 100

Religion on the Mind
Podcast Episodes
Self-aware Christianity with Tim Burnette (#383) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:22:35
In this episode, I sit down with Tim Burnette — founder of The Way Collective in Santa Barbara — to explore what it looks like to build a psychologically astute, contemplative Christianity for our fractured moment. We di…
Religious “Nones” and “Dones” with Ryan Burge (#382) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:26:40
In this conversation, Ryan Burge joins me to explore the evolving landscape of religion in America, focusing on the concepts of “nones” and “dones”—those who identify as non-religious or have distanced themselves from or…
C. S. Lewis's "The Great Divorce" (Part 4) (#381) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 27:15
This is it — the finale of our four-part series on C.S. Lewis's The Great Divorce, and Kristen Tideman and I go out with a bang. We work through chapters 10-14, where Lewis's portrait of a controlling wife raises questio…
Dan Tries AI Biblical Counseling (#380) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:10:30
I invite previous guest Heather Patton Griffin back to the pod to discuss biblical counseling—but this time through the lens of AI. After our previous conversation about white evangelicalism's navigation system, I decide…
C. S. Lewis's "The Great Divorce" (Part 3) (#379) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 30:37
I'm back with Kristen Tideman for Part 3 of our conversation about C.S. Lewis's 'The Great Divorce,' and honestly, I wasn't prepared for how much these chapters would make me squirm. We're diving into chapters 6-9, where…
Tony Jones on “Neighborism” in Minnesota (#378) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:23:31
In this conversation, Minnesotan and friend of the pod, Tony Jones, joins me for another look at the complex dynamics happening below the surface in Minnesota right now. We reflect on the recent events surrounding the ki…
C. S. Lewis's "The Great Divorce" (Part 2) (#377) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 41:11
Kristen Tideman is back for Part 2 of our conversation about C.S. Lewis's 'The Great Divorce,' and we get right into discussing some of the uncomfortable questions Chapter 5 brings up (am I just deceiving myself?). We al…
C. S. Lewis's "The Great Divorce" (Part 1) (#376) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:22:39
In this episode, recurring guest Kristen Tideman and I discuss C.S. Lewis's The Great Divorce, examining how its exploration of hell, isolation, and human flaws speaks to modern issues like political polarization. We als…
An Update From Minneapolis with Mason Mennenga (#375) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:16:05
In this episode of "Religion on the Mind," Mason Mennenga joins me to discuss what it’s like to be in Minneapolis right now, amid intense immigration enforcement and community responses. He shares the emotional toll of l…