In this episode, I'm sharing something completely different: a firsthand account of a weekend I had in Montreal. I was there for an Advanced SAR — a Sexual Attitude Reassessment, the kind of training clinicians and sex educators take to get comfortable with behaviors and experiences outside their own — and it happened to land the same weekend as the Montreal Fetish Festival. So I went.
I walk through everything, starting with the cabaret show on night one that included flogging and, in a moment that genuinely jarred me. I talk about sitting down with a woman deeply involved in the BDSM community, who explained electric play and needle play to me — including how she experiences needle play as creating art on someone's body, and why the buildup to pain can trigger something called subspace, a genuine chemical shift in the brain. I also get honest about my own reaction as someone who calls herself vanilla: I turn away when someone draws blood, so understanding how pain becomes pleasure for someone else took real effort.
I take you inside both a sex club and a kink club for the first time in my life — the gear, the setup, the consent culture, the "vacuum bagging," the group room that turned out to be nothing like what I expected, the St. Andrew's Cross, and the costume culture that included everything from latex and leather to pup play and collaring. Through all of it, my point stays the same: understanding why something is pleasurable for someone else doesn't mean you have to practice it yourself. It just means approaching it with curiosity instead of judgment.
In This Episode:
0:00 – The Staple Gun Moment
0:29 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth
0:56 – My Unexpected Path to Becoming a Sex Educator
2:09 – What Is a SAR? Inside the Advanced Class
3:22 – The Vanilla Sex Educator: My Background Before This Weekend
4:32 – Kink Isn't Always About Sex
5:20 – Night One: Cabaret, Flogging & the Staple Gun
6:17 – Curiosity Over Judgment: Talking to the Kink Community
8:31 – Sex Club vs. Kink Club: What's the Difference
10:23 – Inside the Sex Club: Gear, Consent & a Peep Show Surprise
12:14 – Inside the Kink Club: Electric Shocks, Rope & the St. Andrew's Cross
14:22 – The Costume Party: Latex, Pup Play & Collars
15:51 – What I Learned: Curiosity Is Power
To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube!
‼️ Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE.
About The Host:
Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase.
This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider.
Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here:
Email: karen@taboototruth.com
Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast
Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com
LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES!
🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF
🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources
💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser
🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F
